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What’s Wrong With Me?

Why can’t we get along?

Is it my fault?

How do I change the ways we relate?

Great questions.  We were all raised by people.  People are sinners, people make mistakes.  Whoever raised me made mistakes with me.  Those mistakes have left either damaged areas in me or unmet needs, all of which happened when we were super young and had nothing to compare to and no way to protect ourselves from it. Our parents did the absolute best job they could, but they also were damaged goods.

Those damages and unmet needs follow us into adulthood.  Every one of us arrives at adulthood as damaged goods. God is in the business of healing and changing those damaged areas so we will be more like He intended us to be. Being confident of this very thing, that He who began this good work in you, will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ.  Philippians 1:6.

The problems that arise in marriage are allowed by God to fulfill the verse above. Read Matthew 10:34-39.  We can blame someone else, or we can try to understand why God brought any particular event within our marriage to our attention.  That is the sum total description of spiritual warfare. God within us is His presence here on this earth.  We can let Him accomplish His efforts within us and thereby change our world, or we can blame someone or something else and shrug off His efforts to change us.  The choice is ours.

But if we escape His efforts, He just brings them back again only this time with less favorable complications. Let’s see things His way quickly so He doesn’t have to use our family members to get our attention.

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God Deals Individually

God only deals with individuals.  Psalms 33:14-15 states this.  Though marriage is two people becoming one, that does not apply to what God is accomplishing in each of us.  Philippians 1:6 applies to individuals.  The armor of God in Ephesians 6:13-17 lists qualities of an individual.  Though more than one person can apply them to life, each person must do it personally.

This means that we cannot blame anyone else for our own lack of maturity which includes our spouse.  Our own spiritual maturity is not dependent on what our spouse chooses to do or not do.

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God’s Goal for You

God is more interested in your personal spiritual growth than He is in you having a happy marriage. He will use your relationship with your spouse to get your attention onto what He wants to heal or change in you. Review how he does that at ChristianMarriageBuilder.org Read Matthew 10:34 and onward.

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God’s Providence

Everything we each experience in life has come across God’s desk and happens with His approval.  1 Corinthians 10:13. God will not allow too much to come our way.  Matthew 10:29, not one sparrow falls to the ground apart from your Father’s will.  Satan could not affect Job without God’s permission.  Matthew 28:18, “All authority has been given to Me in heaven and in earth,” Jesus.

So what are His purposes for what He allows in the individual life?  Philippians 1:6, He who began a good work in you will complete it.  Romans 8:28 All things work together for good.  John 16:33 “In the world, you will have tribulation: but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.”  Romans 5:3 Tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope.

Whatever He allows in each life, the ultimate goal is for good for us.

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God Deals With Me

God only deals with individuals. When a family, or a community, or a city, or state, or nation is blessed, it is because of the individuals within that group who have given control of their lives over to God. This is evident in the story of Sodom and Gomorrah in Genesis 18:33, where God would have spared those cities if 10 righteous men could be found. So the responsibility to respond toGod’s call on our life rests completely with the individual. Many people are often aware of a tragic or fantastic situation that has happened to themselves or to someone else, and God has a different purpose for each person.

This is true no matter how close we are to another person, such as our spouse, who may be responding to a situation in a way that seems unacceptable to us. We do not have the right to hold anyone else accountable for their response, especially our spouse. That is God’s right and responsibility only.

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God’s Persistence

Philippians 1:6 says 6 being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ; The scripture is saying… “Listen up. This is important. Jesus takes full responsibility for your spiritual growth once you make Him lord of your life. This growth will happen, regardless of whatever means He has to use to get it done, and this will go on for the rest of your life here on this earth.”

It is more important to Jesus that you grow spiritually than it is to Him for you to have a good marriage. He will use issues in your marriage to get yourattention about where He wants you to grow spiritually. Sometimes if we cling to the value that marriage is for life, it becomes more difficult to ignore His efforts to get us to make the changes He wants from us. Since He takes the responsibility for our growth, if we continue to side-step what he wants, He keeps bringing it back, only each time it is with more emotional and/or spiritual pain.