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God Uses Marriage to Change Me

God is more interested in you and me growing than He is in us having a good marriage.

Matthew 10:34-39 indicates He will allow conflict within our family, including with our spouse, to get us to put Him before everything else. Luke 14:20 indicates it is not acceptable to put the desires or needs of our spouse before what God is calling us to do. We must remember that God only deals with individuals as it says in Psalms 33:14-15.  I must be responsive to what I know God is asking of me before I am responsive to my spouse’s asks.

Leave the effects of how the above choices affect your spouse to God.  Remember, He has total control over what comes their way just as He does with you.  Their response to your choices also comes your way because He has allowed it for a good purpose.

We must remember that is this spiritual warfare Satan’s purpose is to destroy us, but God’s purpose is to give us a great and happy life, John 10:10. How it comes down is totally dependent on how we respond internally to the things He allows to come our way.

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My Spouse Cannot Meet My Needs

It’ so easy to expect our spouse to meet needs but that is not their job.  Philippians 4:19  And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus.  It does not say “Your Spouse” shall supply all your needs.

We all grow up being raised by people and people are sinners.  By extension, our parents sinned in the process or raising us.  There were needs we had in childhood which should have been met by parents but were not.  So, we come into adulthood with unmet needs and we tend to look for a spouse who will meet those needs.  We find them and then we expect them to perform.  They cannot because they were not who failed to meet the need.  God is the only one who can supply those unmet needs.  He may choose to use your spouse but not likely.  As the scripture says, He will meet those needs.

So, when your spouse doesn’t perform as you expect, just understand it is not their job to please you.  Love them for who they are and appreciate what they are able to do for you, and look to God for the rest.

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The Spiritual War

The spiritual war is within each of us. We each have our own war to fight. Paul says in Romans 7:15-20, 15 For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do. 16 If, then, I do what I will not to do, I agree with the law that it is good. 17 But now, it isno longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me. 18 For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh) nothing good dwells; for to will is present with me, but how to perform what is good I do not find. 19 For the good that I will to do, I do not do; but the evil I will not to do, that I practice. 20 Now if I do what I will not to do, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me.

We cannot fight that war for anyone else, only for ourselves by using the armor listed in Ephesians 6:14.

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God Deals Individually

God only deals with individuals.  Psalms 33:14-15 states this.  Though marriage is two people becoming one, that does not apply to what God is accomplishing in each of us.  Philippians 1:6 applies to individuals.  The armor of God in Ephesians 6:13-17 lists qualities of an individual.  Though more than one person can apply them to life, each person must do it personally.

This means that we cannot blame anyone else for our own lack of maturity which includes our spouse.  Our own spiritual maturity is not dependent on what our spouse chooses to do or not do.

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God’s Goal for You

God is more interested in your personal spiritual growth than He is in you having a happy marriage. He will use your relationship with your spouse to get your attention onto what He wants to heal or change in you. Review how he does that at ChristianMarriageBuilder.org Read Matthew 10:34 and onward.

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Enemies

FAMILY MEMBERS ARE ENEMIES…

See Matthew 10:36…   and read from verse 34 through 39.

See ChristianMarriageBuilder.org for further discussions.

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Hello All

Hello Friends of Marriages,

The Christian Marriage Builder website, operated by Dr. Will Renzema, has included you in a group receiving posts regarding improving marriages and other relationships. If you find a post does not apply to you, please consider forwarding it to someone else who may benefit from it. Posts will be sent approximately weekly for your review. Please feel free to return comments regarding each post. Responses can be sent from the ChristianMarriageBuilder.org website.  This website also offers an opportunity to make a donation to assist with helping others.  These donations are not yet tax deductible.  Thank you for your help.

This week’s comment invites each of us to remember that scriptures addressing how we are to treat others also apply to how we treat our spouse.

Sincerely
Dr. Will Renzema MFT, PhD

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Anger is an Escape

We escape to anger when the first emotion is too difficult or painful.

Jesus did have anger as an emotion, but it was after a primary emotion.  The most common example of that is when Jesus drove the money changers and merchants selling livestock for sacrifices out of the temple.  This incident is recorded in all four gospels but none of them say He was angry.  We assume because of His actions that He was angry and that is probably a safe assumption.  However, the book of John in John 2:17 gives us a look at His primary emotion where it says, Then His disciples remembered that it was written, “Zeal for Your house has eaten Me up.”  His primary emotion was zeal.

It is interesting that the money changers could pick up their money though it was dumped over and continue their business elsewhere.  Those who had cattle and sheep could gather up their herds and do business again.  Those who had doves could not have caught them again so Jesus just told them to take them away.  He didn’t destroy anyone’s livelihood.

Another time Jesus was angry is found in Mark 3:5 where it says, And when He had looked around at them with anger, being grieved by the hardness of their hearts, He said to the man, “Stretch out your hand.”   His primary emotion was grief for the Sadducees which became anger.

To reach Dr. Renzema…  wrenzema@hotmail.com

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God’s Providence

Everything we each experience in life has come across God’s desk and happens with His approval.  1 Corinthians 10:13. God will not allow too much to come our way.  Matthew 10:29, not one sparrow falls to the ground apart from your Father’s will.  Satan could not affect Job without God’s permission.  Matthew 28:18, “All authority has been given to Me in heaven and in earth,” Jesus.

So what are His purposes for what He allows in the individual life?  Philippians 1:6, He who began a good work in you will complete it.  Romans 8:28 All things work together for good.  John 16:33 “In the world, you will have tribulation: but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.”  Romans 5:3 Tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope.

Whatever He allows in each life, the ultimate goal is for good for us.

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On Pleasure Seeking

God made us as pleasure seekers.  We are made to seek out and make decisions based on what will bring us the most happiness or pleasure.  This made perfect sense in the Garden of Eden, but now, not so much.  When we make decisions in this way we tend to avoid the situations which will bring us emotional or spiritual pain, however, the pain we are avoiding is always the result of sin, maybe not our sin, maybe someone else’s sin against us.

To resolve the pain, we need to face the discomfort, acknowledge its cause and deal with that cause according to God’s plan.  Philippians 1:6 says, “being confident of this very thing, (listen up folks, this is important) that He who has begun a good work in you (Jesus Christ and His Spirit) will complete it (He takes the responsibility and makes it happen) until the day of Jesus Christ (this is the full story of the Christian Life);”  So He keeps allowing situations in our lives with will bring up the discomfort He wants us to face, but each one is a little more painful, until our pleasure seeking nature decides it is less painful to face the issue He wants us to than it is to avoid it… The pleasure-seeking principle in reverse.

So it’s wise to face the emotional pain early on and not have to experience the more difficult pain which inevitably comes later.