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Is Anger Sin??

Ephesians 4:26 says, “Be angry, and do not sin: do not let the sun go down on your wrath,”  One of the problems with this verse is we have trouble naming anger for what it is.  We call it frustration, or disappointment, or upset, or righteous indignation, or any one of an infinite number of names which allow us to deny we are feeling angry.  A good test of anger is, Is it someone or something else’s fault? If so it is likely just anger.

So what is sin with anger? When we make someone else pay for it, often in subtle ways.  We refuse to let the other person know the mistake you see them making, or we withdraw from them and make ourselves unavailable when it would be appropriate to be available, or we gossip about them, or we get someone else to do something negative toward them, or we get sarcastic toward them, There are many other ways we sin with anger.

The second part of the verse is written only to the angry person, not to the person we are angry with.  It is telling us YOU deal with YOUR anger quickly, or you will sin against someone.

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Testimony – Will helped quiet the storm

I first was introduced to Dr. Will through my husband who was also seeing him. Dr. Will has been a confidante, an encouragement and a source of guidance through some very difficult times. He truly cares about those he speaks to and is willing and able to share from his experiences and expertise. He has often been my “quieting voice” in the midst of the storm. I am very grateful for his help and concern.

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Testimony – Will’s care helped us through our marriage struggles

My husband and I met Will at the beginning of this year. We were on the verge of getting a divorce and marital counseling was our last resort.

I did not know if marriage counseling was going to work but I was desperate to save our marriage and our family, so I gave it a try. However, because Will was a man, I was concerned that he wouldn’t be able to relate to me. But to my surprise, he was very understanding. I felt like he truly cared for me and it made me feel comfortable enough to open up to him. Will always started his marriage counseling with prayer. He believes that we need the Holy Spirit to lead us and heal us. He always listened to both side of the story. I felt like he was very fair and did not favor one over the other. Most importantly, I did not feel condemned or judged. He just encouraged us to do things different the next time around.

One thing I like about Will is that he’s very transparent about the mistakes that he made in his own marriage and how he learned to do things differently. It made me feel like he can understand where I was coming from. He shared with me about his childhood and his struggles and I immediately felt like I can relate to his story. His childhood was very similar to mine. I really appreciated that he was willing to be transparent about it because it made me feel like I wasn’t the only one that struggled in those areas.

Will is also a very straight to the point kind of person and he’s not afraid to tell the truth. I appreciate his honesty and he always spoke with love and kindness. He was very upfront with both my husband and I as to where things went south between us. For my husband and I, he pointed it out that it was the way we handled little issues in our marriage. We did not communicate in a way that made the other person feel heard and respected. Will taught us how to not use “you” but simply state “this is how it made me feel”. It was very hard to do but it worked. Will gave us so many other practical advices that we were able to apply right away. He was also very punctual with our session and respected our time.

We always ended every session with a prayer and he even offered to be there for us whenever we needed him. I recommend Will because he’s very caring, genuine, and wise. He’s a man of integrity and follows the leading of the Holy Spirit.

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Testimony – Will helped enlighten me

“At one of, if not THE worst times in my life, I didn’t know which way to turn.  I found “Will”..  I was never one to want to seek professional help as I always felt like I could figure it out on my own but as the walls were seemingly closing in on me and I didn’t know which way to turn, I came across Will’s number and decided to give talking to a professional  a shot..

And I’m glad I did because Will helped calm my nerves,  enlightened me to ways of being a better person and husband, and opened my mind about things I didn’t know about myself or didn’t see about myself, and also ways to save my marriage..  Dr. Will is very approachable, easy to talk to, non-aggressive but yet up front.  He told me things I needed to hear instead of things I wanted to hear, all while in a comfortable relaxed unintimidated setting.. His words of wisdom and his many years of experience stopped those walls from closing in on me,  helped me find myself again and helped save my marriage…. “

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On Being Judged

When someone has judged you, decided for themselves who and what you are, they have placed you in a box of definition which makes you easier for them to deal with.  No matter what you do or don’t do and no matter what you say or don’t say, everything will be taken by that person as proof that you are who they have judged you to be, even if that person is your spouse.  There is nothing you can do (and it isn’t your job) to try to change their opinion of you.

Our job is to pay close attention to what God want’s from us and be careful to meet those expectations.  Once we have at least partially succeeded with that process, He will take over reshaping another person’s view of you.  As long as we continue to try to change our reputation with someone, He allows us to continue to try until we give that responsibility over to Him.  He is so much better at that then we are.

A question: If I decided a person has judged me, have I not judged them?

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On Being Angry #1

Anger is a secondary emotion, an escape emotion, an anesthetic emotion.  It is the emotion we escape to when the “root” emotion is too difficult or painful to feel at that time so we anesthetize it by burying it in our anger.  The problem is that when we are angry “Sin lies at the door and its desire is for you.” (Genesis 4:7b) Then, as Cain was told, we need to “rule over it.” We will not be able to do that if that anger has too much power.

The thing that lends power to any emotion, but especially anger, is when we do not acknowledge it. Anger will grow until it cannot be ignored and it explodes.  We facilitate ignoring it by giving it pet names which allows us to let it grow.  Examine every situation you do not like to be in and see if there is not some anger there.

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Truth

There are two forms of truth for every situation we face in life. The logical truth and the spiritual truth. These could also be termed God’s truth and Satan’s truth. This was true during Jesus life on earth. Satan truth was that he was killing the err to the kingdom so the kingdom would be his. God’s truth was that he was purchasing back any man from Satan’s influence any person who would accept it. I Corinthians 10:13 supports this where it says, “No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man.” That is Satan’s truth. But what follows is God’s truth. “But God is faithful who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able…”

We have the choice to either think logically or think spiritually in every situation. Notice that whatever comes our way He allows. If He allows it, He must have a purpose for it. This is true even when the source of the unpleasant situation is sometimes our spouse did or didn’t do.

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God Deals With Me

God only deals with individuals. When a family, or a community, or a city, or state, or nation is blessed, it is because of the individuals within that group who have given control of their lives over to God. This is evident in the story of Sodom and Gomorrah in Genesis 18:33, where God would have spared those cities if 10 righteous men could be found. So the responsibility to respond toGod’s call on our life rests completely with the individual. Many people are often aware of a tragic or fantastic situation that has happened to themselves or to someone else, and God has a different purpose for each person.

This is true no matter how close we are to another person, such as our spouse, who may be responding to a situation in a way that seems unacceptable to us. We do not have the right to hold anyone else accountable for their response, especially our spouse. That is God’s right and responsibility only.

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God’s Persistence

Philippians 1:6 says 6 being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ; The scripture is saying… “Listen up. This is important. Jesus takes full responsibility for your spiritual growth once you make Him lord of your life. This growth will happen, regardless of whatever means He has to use to get it done, and this will go on for the rest of your life here on this earth.”

It is more important to Jesus that you grow spiritually than it is to Him for you to have a good marriage. He will use issues in your marriage to get yourattention about where He wants you to grow spiritually. Sometimes if we cling to the value that marriage is for life, it becomes more difficult to ignore His efforts to get us to make the changes He wants from us. Since He takes the responsibility for our growth, if we continue to side-step what he wants, He keeps bringing it back, only each time it is with more emotional and/or spiritual pain.

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What About Family

Matthew 10:34 says 34 “Do not think that I came to bring peace on earth. I did not come to bring peace but a sword. 35 For I have come to ‘set[j] aman against his father, a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law’; 36 and ‘a man’s enemies will be those of his own household.’ 37 He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. 38 And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me. 39 He who finds his life will lose it, and he who loses his life for My sake will find it.

His point is that our individual relationship with Jesus must be more influential and more important in our life than any other relationship, including those with family, including spouse. This passage does not mention wife or spouse, but it does in Mark 10 where it says… 29 So Jesus answered and said, “Assuredly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or father or mother [c]or wife or children or [d]lands, for My sake and the gospel’s, 30 who shall not receive a hundredfold now in this time—houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and lands, with persecutions—and in the age to come, eternal life.