When we have learned the skills (yes plural) necessary to put off destructive discussions with our spouse, The next step is to learn what to do with the feelings arising in you.
Again, feelings gain power over us when we do not deal with them. So when you have bad feelings toward your spouse, they cannot just be ignored or buried. When you bypass the arguing you must also promise yourself that you will deal with those bad emotions, and here are a couple of skills you must learn to do that. First, tough emotions must be addressed within the next day or so. If you put it off beyond that, the issue becomes cold and memories fade and resolution becomes too difficult. It must be addressed while it is fresh in both of your minds.
Second, the reason the discussion is delayed is to allow yourself time to get over your mad and decide with a calmer spirit how you will address the issue. Further, the delay will give your spouse time to look at the issue more accurately instead of from the position of anger.
Ephesians 4: 26 “Be angry, and do not sin”: do not let the sun go down on your wrath, 27 nor give [a]place to the devil.” Notice it is my personal job to “not let the sun go down on my anger”. That does not mean to settle the issue with your spouse. It means you, personally, get over your anger quickly. Otherwise, you will be “giving place to the devil”.
In the next post, we will discuss how to get beyond your own anger.