Marital conflicts can be resolved, but it takes learning some new skills. In this post and in several to follow, those various skills will be discussed.
When emotions rise and take control of your situation, you and your spouse have already lost. To neutralize the power of those well-known emotions, such as anger and disgust, the one most important skill is to recognize and acknowledge them early. The power emotions have over us is enhanced by denying or ignoring them. Robbing emotions of their power requires becoming aware of them earlier and earlier, a difficult yet rewarding skill to learn.
When we see the train wreck approaching in time, we can move aside and let it go on past. This means temporarily choosing to not move forward with the discussion. The hard part about this is your spouse and you are practiced at doing your dance in a destructive manner and though you change your style, your spouse may push to continue to do the old style destructive dance. So you also must develop the skill to stick to the decision to not proceed as in the past. It’s time for a new dance. How to move on into resolution will be discussed in a future post.
Each new skill will move you closer to a rewarding and happier marriage.