Why can’t we get along?
Is it my fault?
How do I change the ways we relate?
Great questions. We were all raised by people. People are sinners, people make mistakes. Whoever raised me made mistakes with me. Those mistakes have left either damaged areas in me or unmet needs, all of which happened when we were super young and had nothing to compare to and no way to protect ourselves from it. Our parents did the absolute best job they could, but they also were damaged goods.
Those damages and unmet needs follow us into adulthood. Every one of us arrives at adulthood as damaged goods. God is in the business of healing and changing those damaged areas so we will be more like He intended us to be. Being confident of this very thing, that He who began this good work in you, will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ. Philippians 1:6.
The problems that arise in marriage are allowed by God to fulfill the verse above. Read Matthew 10:34-39. We can blame someone else, or we can try to understand why God brought any particular event within our marriage to our attention. That is the sum total description of spiritual warfare. God within us is His presence here on this earth. We can let Him accomplish His efforts within us and thereby change our world, or we can blame someone or something else and shrug off His efforts to change us. The choice is ours.
But if we escape His efforts, He just brings them back again only this time with less favorable complications. Let’s see things His way quickly so He doesn’t have to use our family members to get our attention.